My salvation story

The people at the church I am attending asked me to write out my salvation story, and I have been thinking of writing a book called: "Outside the Camp". I decided to start this blog, and see if I could incorporate my salvation story into the book. I pray the Lord will be glorified by whatever is said.


Hbr 13:11For the bodies of those beasts, whose blood is brought into the sanctuary by the high priest for sin, are burned without the camp.

12Wherefore Jesus also, that he might sanctify the people with his own blood, suffered without the gate.

13Let us go forth therefore unto him without the camp, bearing his reproach.

The above verses tell us that Jesus, in fulfillment of the Old Testament sacrifices, suffered on the cross outside of (or "without") the gate of Jerusalem. They then exhort that we, believers in Jesus Christ, follow him outside of (or "without") the camp, bearing his reproach. Though not always by my design, it seems that my life has been characterized by the above principle. Somehow, I have chronically found myself outside of "the camp" of what is happening in the world around me. Below is the story of my salvation (which has been, and still is being, written by God's grace alone).

I was born ("at a very young age" ;)) to two faithful, believing parents, who had graduated from Winnipeg Bible College, in Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada. I spent the first three years or so of my life in the Crow's Nest Pass, Alberta - where my father was the pastor of a local Canadian Sunday School Mission (CSSM) church. My parents recall that (at the age of three), I could sing all verses of the hymn "Great is thy Faithfulness" from memory.

Then my family moved to Steinbach (a Mennonite town of about perhaps 7000 then), where my father pastored an Christian and Missionary Alliance local church. I would imagine that it was in Steinbach that I first came to faith in Jesus Christ. I do not have any vivid memories of a dramatic experience where I first believed on him. But, from as young as I can remember, I knew the answer to the question: "Do we have to do good things to get to heaven?" My reflexive answer was, "No, we must ask Jesus into our hearts." I can also remember walking forward at a child evangelism meeting, when someone had given the invitation. Whether I first believed on the Lord Jesus that night or not, I do not know. What I do know is that I believe on him now - but let me not get ahead of myself.

As I grew up and entered school, I found myself doing and saying things I knew where wrong. I also, however, found myself learning many Scripture verses - as I had opportunity at church, "Vacation Bible School", and Bible Camp. Finally, I found myself not quite fitting in with my surroundings. Somehow, whether I was at school, church, etc., I kept finding myself outside of the "popular" circle.

As every person does, I desired acceptance and attention, and resorted to various means in order to get them. I learned to act weird, tell jokes, etc. More times than I wish, the things I did and said, and the jokes I told, were wrong and sinful, and I repent of them. My parents, however, were very faithful and diligent in their care of me. They did not get a TV until I was about 8 or so (and it was a small black and white one), and even then they controlled both how much, and what, we, their children, watched.

They also faithfully brought us to church on "Sunday" morning and evening, as well as other activities, such as "Boys' Brigade". I recall my father overhearing me tell an off-colour joke. He made it clear to me that if he caught me doing so again, me would "chasten me sore", for which I thank him from the bottom of my heart.

When I was 11, just going from grade 6 to grade 7 (from Elementary to Junior High school), my family moved from Steinbach to Winnipeg (a city of 650,000). This was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, in my opinion. Though I will never be the same again because of it, I now thank God for it. If I had stayed in Steinbach, things would have been more comfortable, but I believe I would have gotten myself into trouble.

I was basically uprooted, and transplanted into a hostile "city Junior High" environment. Here, the language, conduct, and attitude of my classmates was distinctly more worldly and less friendly than in Steinbach. Whereas I had never been altogether popular to begin with, I was now really out of place. For example, everyone had a backpack to lug their books around in - except me. I was walking around with book-filled plastic bags. After a while, I "got hip", and obtained a backpack, but I still found I was very much unable to fit in with my surroundings. It got to the point where my parents pulled out of public school and toyed with the possibility of home schooling me.

After consultation with the school counselor, however, we decided I would return to the school and be in a different "home room" - one in which the students were better behaved and more friendly. From there, things started to improve - but there was work for God to do in my heart. In the city, there were temptations that had been inaccessible in Steinbach. There were also people who led me down some wrong paths. I tried living for myself, and doing what made me feel good. It led only to misery and frustration.

Then I received a "wake up call" from God, and had to do some community service work for the summer. It was sometime during or after that summer that I decided I would regularly read the Bible, and practice what I read in it. I remember "fighting" to maintain that habit - especially at first. Sometimes, I would be lying in bed, and remember I had not read my Bible. I would get up (though some nights I by no means felt like doing so), read the Bible (I was reading the "Living Bible" at the time), and go back to bed.

I think that year, my grade 9 year, was possibly the most critical year of my life. It was when I took responsibility for my walk with God, and decided to pursue it. Though I was still "outside the camp" (as I had, and have, been all my life, whether I liked it or not), something was different. I now had peace, joy, and - well - fun! Though God still had yet to teach me (as he has to teach me today), and I had yet to learn (as I have to learn today), the journey of consistently walking with God (by his grace alone) begun. Was I "saved" that year? I do not think so. I do remember a well meaning preacher suggesting that, if one had never "repented of their sin", they could have no assurance of salvation. I went forward at that meeting, too, and prayed with someone. I even cried. (As we sing in "Rock of Ages", however, "Could my tears for ever flow... all for sin could not atone - thou must save, and thou alone"). But then I walked home and began to doubt my salvation again, so I kept trying to "pray the prayer", and - of course - making sure to "repent of my sins" in that prayer. Somehow, for a while after that night, assurance of salvation seemed to elude me. Eventually, however, I came to realize that assurance of salvation was based on one thing - and one thing only: believing on the Lord Jesus Christ. I stopped worrying and started resting in his finished work for me, which I had received by faith. As I have said, when I first believed on him, I do not know; but, as far as I am concerned, it was at a very young age. I do know that I am saved (i.e. "justified"), and being saved (i.e. "sanctified") now. Again, let me not get ahead of myself.

High school was a wonderful three years - though, again, I could not shake (though I tried) the stigma of being a "nerd", or "outcast". Grade 10 was probably my best year in high school. Grades 11 and 12 were good too, but I had to learn a lot about humility, and looking to God for my sense of satisfaction and self-worth. After that came university.

While at university, I really tried to "fit in" at and become an active member of the church my family was attending. Once again, however, this state of feeling accepted and welcome seemed to elude me - no matter how hard I pursued it (and I did pursue it with determination and persistence). I also worked at Bible camp in the summers, where God did a lot of work in and - by his grace - through me.

As my time at University progressed, I found that certain students learned to avoid working with me on group projects. To be sure, some of their reasons for avoiding me were valid, and I do not hold it against them. Nevertheless, I was therefore forced to pair up with international students, who also needed someone to work with. I eventually had some of these people over for supper. One of them said it was the first time he had been to a Canadian's house for a meal.

As with moving from Steinbach to Winnipeg, being in University exposed me to new temptations, especially in my fourth and final year. Had God (as well as one of my professors) not been merciful, I would not have graduated that year. I did, however, stand firmly by certain resolutions - such as not illegally photocopying text-books (which proved a considerable disadvantage for a certain "open book" test, where a lot of people just referred to their illegally photocopied text-books). My "fellow foreigners" (the international students I had made friends with out of necessity) later recalled how I had refused to make those illegal photocopies, and told me they respected me for that. It helped me to realize that such "little things" matter to God - even when we are simultaneously struggling with seemingly "bigger sins". I personally think that may be one of the reasons God spared me, and allowed me to graduate that year.

Nevertheless, lust leads to sin, and sin to death - and my sin coloured my life in many unfortunate ways. God had chastening to do, and chasten he did. I worked in the warehouse of a computer company for about one and a half years. At one point, I was told I needed to speed up my work. This was very humbling indeed - a university Graduate being given an ultimatum while doing warehouse labour. Yet I would not trade that year and a half for anything. I did a lot of thinking as I worked in that warehouse, and God patiently worked to "get me back on my feet" after a spiritual "stumble".

Before I knew it (as of the summer of 1998), I had an Engineering job, I was a "member in covenant" at a "Charismatic" local church, and - soon after - I was "going out with" a woman from that church. Less than a year later (as of the summer of 1999), however, I found myself jobless, single, and crying at the top of my lungs before God the father. I remember longing to soothe the pain I was feeling inside, and deciding to find consolation in the word of God (I had been using the New American Standard Bible for many years).

By God's grace, I had memorized many Psalms, including Psalm 34, 37, and 119. These Psalms were the perfect balm for my wounded spirit.

Pro 18:14 The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?

Once again, this is a summer I would not trade anything for. It was as if I was a tree in the midst of a drought. Though I was tempted to thrust my "roots" into familiar sources of "water", I resolved to go where I knew - by faith - I would find true comfort, satisfaction, and strength: God and his word. I began to spend large amounts of time in the Scriptures, and to write out my reflections on what I was reading.

One night, after reading (in Deuteronomy) of how God told the Israelites to beware of learning the practices of the people of Canaan, I invited God to reveal any "snares" that were hindering my walk with him. I knew not what I was asking that night, but God heard me anyway - and gave me what I asked for. I soon found myself confronted with the revelation that the modern versions of the Bible I had been using were demonstrably inferior to the Authorized Version (or "King James Version", as I then referred to it) - never having regularly used the Authorized (or "King James") Version.

I had previously laughed at the notion that people should reject the modern versions in favour of the "King James", but all of a sudden, I started to understand their reason for saying so. After some prayer, consideration, investigation, and "trying the 'King James' out for myself", I was one of the most adamant promoters of its use that I knew of.

Still many trials, temptations, lost battles, and won battles later, I am still seeking, by God's grace, to do my job: do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God (Micah 6:8). That walk has led me to Australia, and South Korea (where I am currently living). It has led me to the "Plymouth Brethren", as well as many other various local churches (including staunch independent Baptists, easy-going "charismatics", etc.) But, more importantly, it has invariably led me outside (or "without") the camp. It has taught me not to get comfortable in this world, but rather to set my heart, mind, and eyes on things above, and look forward to when I will finally be - truly - home with Christ and his beloved saints.

When I was living in Australia, I felt the Lord would have me watch and pray all night on the beach in Burleigh Heads. It was one of the seemingly longest nights of my life. I do not know how many times I paced up and down the path by the beach. All I know is, it seemed, at times, like the morning would never come. Hour after hour dragged by before I could even see a dark blue hue on the horizon. And many an agonizing hour trudged by after THAT before any real substantial light could be seen over the water. Yet, the tedious wait was not over. As the light seemed to "ripen", I took to walking on the beach. Up and down the beach I walked as the light, though obviously growing brighter with time, did not seem to be in any hurries (to my distress at times). Brighter and brighter grew the light, and though I could hardly stand waiting any longer, I found myself reflecting on the following verse:

Psa 130:6 My soul [waiteth] for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: [I say, more than] they that watch for the morning.

If there is one encouraging fact I can offer from my experience on the beach that Australian winter morning (by the way, it may not have been a Canadian winter, but it was cold nonetheless), it is that morning came. Though it seemed at times it would never come, it came. And though it may seem at times that Christ will never come - he will come. I look forward to that moment as I looked forward to the sunrise on that Australian beach. Until then, I continue to walk, watch, and wait - outside the camp.

Daniel

20th day, 10th month, 2009: Wow! reading through this after the fact, it is down-right sobering to think of how little I knew at the time. I was to pass through some very deep waters, and some very trying times of sorrow. I would, however, emerge insinged, as did Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah; with not even the smell of smoke on my clothes. Then there would be the whole experience of getting my bearings back here in Canada (which, by all means, I am still doing!) The salvation (or "sozo") continues!